Stop Demanding..

Next week is going to be one hell of a hectic week.

As usual, this is the week before the war and after receiving nothing but more craps from people I thought were reliable, my stress level increased tremendously that I couldn't even sleep well. I am dead serious.

Events. Assignments. Viva. Tests.

I understand that sometimes it is hard for people to deal with a perfectionist like me. Or people might have a common perception that all they need to do is crap something out and lienyiny's going to fix everything for them in the end. But hey, if everybody is leaning their backs on me, who am I to depend on in return?

By keeping quiet doesn't mean I am fine, by gulping down all the trash doesn't mean I don't mind either. When you people were depressed, I was there to lend my shoulder, I was there to help; but when I was silently walking through the darkness, who was there to light a candle? And which pair of eye has really seen the sacrifice and the hardships I have to go through alone for the sake of everybody? Nobody. Why? Because all you people care about is yourself, your time and dramas.

Blogging my inner voice out here, is not to ask for sympathy. Neither am I to seek for attention. I just need to release myself after keeping everything deep inside my heart for quite some time. Why can't people understand that lienyiny is a human too, just like any one of you!

And for goodness sake, can't you guys differentiate between responsibilities and helping a friend? Appre night is not my birthday party, in case you haven't realized. By doing your part for the position you are holding is SO NOT to assist me, but your responsibility as a committee, no? I wonder why people can never stop asking for rewards when I am nothing but a committee member just like anyone of them. Hey, I don't get paid from UMS for being the director you know.

Sigh.

Done complaining. Still frustrated. But still left with no choice. Goodbye.


Ps. Thanks Edmund (if you're reading this), for being so thoughtful. Although it might take forever for me to reply your email, I just want you to know that you have my full support all the time, just like how you supported me =) you're such a sweet bro!

A Casual Reception

Bet all you readers are bored enough with my Sabah dramas already. Here are a few pictures taken on Wednesday to please your tired eyes haha.


We were invited by the consul-general of Japan to attend a reception at the hibiscus garden in sutera harbour. Nothing much though.. Just a casual one for normal interactions.

This reception however, made me realize that my Japanese proficiency level is SO low I need to work harder in order to comprehend and be able to converse (at least) in simple sentences with the Japanese =S

A last picture of us with the consul and his wife.

That's all for today =)

Halt.

Arguments and conflicts, they happen.
Complications in matters like this, I've long heard before.

What I can do for now basically, is just to observe. Even though it isn't the time to make a decision yet, I need to remind myself from time to time to build my foundations strong, just so I will not collapse with the emergence of more traumas.

I believe that sincere ones will stay, despite the bricks being thrown at them. To give up or to fight is entirely up to you, for it will clearly portray how much I weigh in your heart. That's all I can say.

Tired I am, mentally. Good night.

Dear you,

Don't like/love my qualities; Like/Love me for who I really am. Please?


I know you do read my blog. That was something for you to ponder upon before taking further steps. Think thoroughly, for I'm so selfish I don't want to fall in the wrong arms and drown myself in the wrong ocean.. Please help me with this.



Statement made. No questions will be answered unless necessary. Thank you.

This is why I like trips so much

After all that happened which caused quite a bit of emotional impact on me last week, I went for a field trip with my fellow course mates at Sandakan over the weekend. Even though it took more than 8 hours of our time to travel there, the fun that we had was all worth it.

Provoked close friends with petty jokes, savoured mouth-watering seafood, mesmerized by the beauty of Mother Nature and had fun going on outdoor activities. It was all so tiring but fulfilling.

And guess what? I'm taking back what I wrote in the entry "So Long" simply because I've talked things clear with this "person" during the trip. I trust my instinct about this particular person whom I care and trust a lot and I'm learning to forgive and forget, again! Haha. Mending things always makes me feel great even though this isn't the first time we do so zz. Anyway I guess it's best to give each other one last chance before I officially let go of my hand. Hmm..

Sandakan pictures will be uploaded once we compile everything. May this brand new week shoo away all the shit I encountered before this. Cheers, to a new day!

and to the engineerwannabe =P toodles~

Mess

It sucks to realize that nobody else but me, myself and I was the sole reason for my own downfall. As tough as I may seem through the eyes of everybody, I can never cheat myself on who I genuinely am. Friends come and go; laughter will still have to fade away. No matter how many times I tell myself to be strong, it just doesn't seem to work. Call me an emo queen, but things really hadn't been smooth lately. I wish to draw an end to everything with the arrival of tomorrow, but even I doubt my capabilities now. Aah. Yiny yiny what happened to you!!

Watch me.

I'm doing what I have to do.

and when determination sets in,

I can do it even better than you think I can.


I'll fight through this taxing week. Watch me.

Does it really pay?

Hardwork pays off is what people ALWAYS say, but most of the time I'm the one doing all the hardwork and earn the equal pay for the rest. sigh.

Why must I always be the one doing everything, I wonder. It's not that I don't trust the rest of my groupmates but all these people just have the nerve to hand in shabby works without giving a second thought about the consequences that come next.

So when everything comes to yours truly the compiler: ME! at the very last minute, I will rant and rant and rant but in the end still do the rest of the work by myself.

arrggghh! am I too dumb or too much of a perfectionist?

Two random pictures taken tonight.

The only consolation for myself: all this stress that I'm going through today will mould me to a better person tomorrow. Bear with it.

Uni life is only meant for nocturnals.

it's 3:11am and my handphone had been vibrating none stop since the past two hours!

everybody is widely awake and acting as though 3am is just another normal working hour even though we all have a lecture to attend at 8am later!

goodness.

anyway things on my side had been a lil complicated recently that I don't know how to publish my thoughts on a public site like this without letting some of the unexpected readers to read them. hmm.. two papers down-ed for the past two days I bet from the way I structure my sentences tonight all you people can tell that my brain isn't functioning very well so yea, I guess I'm gonna jump onto my bed-sweet-bed and leave the rest for the time to tell what my heart actually wants because everything seems to be so erratic for me right now. aaah I hate dilemmas.

two more mid term papers to go next week. wish me luck~